Expectations of an 11 year old

Today I am pissed off.  My nerves are a wreck and I feel like smashing something.  I feel this way because I feel powerless as a mother and as a human being.

I received a call yesterday from my step-daughter’s child care provider.  She is 11 years old.  She is receiving text messages from peers that are telling her they wouldn’t care if she killed herself and that she should “just go ahead and do it already!”  I am disgusted.  I am broken.  How do I protect her from this?

Yesterday I also found out she has been self-harming.  She thinks she is ugly and fat and that the world would be a better place without her.  My heart is broken for her.  It aches at the pain she is feeling.

I was not much older than she when I first started to self-harm.  I understand why she is doing it.  I believed I was that ugly and fat girl too.  I can’t tell her this.  I can’t tell her that I self-harmed from low self-esteem because I cannot tell her it didn’t help.  In the moment it did.  I can tell her how beautiful and smart and incredibly funny she is.  I can tell her that all of these people do not matter in the bigger picture of life and that they will be nothing but a distant memory one day.  I can tell her to keep her head down and stick close to the friends who make her feel good because those are the friends worth having.  I can tell her all these things, and I do tell her all these things but, I know that my words are meaningless.  She is living these moments and they are happening now and what the future may be is moot in this moment.

We have blocked the numbers, spoken with the police, are working with the school, arranging for her to have counseling to help her deal with these dark emotions but what difference will all of this make?

I will hope and I will pray that she finds the strength in herself to get through this.  I will make my best efforts to instill in her confidence and self-respect.  I will not let my daughter become a statistic in this ever growing world of cruelty to self and others.

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2 thoughts on “Expectations of an 11 year old

  1. So hard to go through! My daughter is almost two and a half years free from cutting and we celebrate each milestone! But it took a lot to get there! Having been there yourself, you know how difficult the road can be! I can’t say here how I feel about those horrible kids saying those things to her! I hope you are both able to stay strong and make it through this!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t know how it works between you and her but i know one thing ..lack of communication in family have the most damaging consequences.
    Talk to her. Tell her she is beautiful in her own way as everyone if unique, giving her examples of celebrities and people she looks upto.
    Tell her she is precious to you and thw world and her life her breaths her words her thought are important to you and the world.
    Give her tonnes of hope.
    My granpa always gave me example of a warrior queen (rani of jhansi) whenever i felt weak.
    Tell her to keep her head up and face the world as they are no bigger and mightier than her.
    Talk to her as much as you can.
    Its very sensitive age.

    Liked by 1 person

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